> If anyone has been in a similar situation, I would greatly appreciate advice.
You can't have it all. A wife & kids, a full time job, a social life and an open source hacker reputation. Many of the biggest names in open source have none of those other things.
Then the industry should stop expecting people to have open source hacker reputations in order to be considered "good". I'm glaring at you specifically, "Github-is-your-resume" crowd.
Both of these things are profoundly important points. The first being that you cannot "have it all" and the second that putting the expectation out there that you should be a "rockstar" when it comes to open source code encourages unwise choices.
One of the things I noticed at Sun early on it its life were that there were "types" of folks, people who were so invested in their work lives that they had no family (or in many cases lost their family) and people who balanced out family with work. Folks in the latter camp invariably were less well rewarded than those in the former camp. I found myself slipping into that "work is everything camp" and consciously chose not to go there, knowing it would limit the eventual arc of my career. I have never regretted that choice and am still happily married with kids I know and who know me, long after Sun has faded into history.
It was a tough call to make. I talked it over with my wife (we were thinking about kids but didn't have any yet).
Wow. What a great discussion. I'm sad to have missed it.
I have exactly this problem: NOT ENOUGH TIME. Beyond my 40 hr/week programming job, I play or coach football (depending on the season). I'm a hobby artist but I honestly don't do much art anymore due to time constraints. I also joined the competitive Smash scene a while back but realized that I couldn't invest the time it takes to get good.
I completely agree: you can't have it all. You know that college saying: sleep, grade, friends, pick two? Well I chose sleep and grades. (Not to say that I didn't have friends, but I ended up being THAT friend that never really commits to anything. "I'll see if I have time.")
Post-college time is still my greatest struggle. I don't play Smash that much anymore because of time. There a lot of video games that I think, "Man, I could get really good at this game, but I don't have the time for it. Ugh." Right now I'm playing through the Mass Effect series for the second time. ME2 & 3 will probably be the only games I beat in 2015.
I do many of the things mentioned in this thread. Drop off laundry service. I can cook but I've gotten into the terrible habit of eating out. I spend way too much money on food! Most days I'm so mentally drained that I'd honestly rather eat some ramen than plan out a nice meal.
My two best investments in the kitchen are 1) George Foreman Grill, 2) fancy Japanese rice cooker.
I am very much looking forward to medical school this fall where I'll have more flexibility in my schedule.
This is the most impactful thing I've ever read on Hacker News. No sarcasm.
You made me stop and consider my own life and what I do with it. I don't have it all -- in fact, I have that "side project" (open source hacker reputation) that's languished for a long time and I've always felt bad about it. But I have a demanding job, a wife (no kids), and my social life and leisure time is very important to me. But now I've, mostly, made peace with that fact.
Because he managed to combine the job, open source work, and to a large extent I expect, social life, into the same thing. That's the chicken and egg problem; you can do it once you 'make it', but getting there is tough without significant sacrifice.
You can't have it all. A wife & kids, a full time job, a social life and an open source hacker reputation. Many of the biggest names in open source have none of those other things.